Prayers for this child…
April of Salt for the Spirit is playing the gut-wrenching, horrible waiting game. Her doctor has raised the possibility of Trisomy 18 for her unborn child. She will be undergoing testing, but then will wait for quite some time before learning results. Will you pray for her and her husband, Dennis, as they wait? Will you pray for their child?
Prayers for This Child by Sara Groves
“I do not know how I am to pray for this child, as a mother I don’t want my baby denied, but in the waiting, in the waiting, I learned…
every instinct in me wants to shield him from pain, take the arrows of misery, heartache and blame, but in the sorrow, in the sorrow, I learned to hold on.
I only have two eyes – be all seeing.
I only have two hands – be everywhere.
I do not know enough – be all knowing.
I give this baby up into your care.
I do not know how, how to pray for this child. I want to guard her from everything wicked and wild, but in the trial, in the tiral, I learned to hold on. And in the trial, in the trial, I learned to hold on to the heart of God.
Gabriel Paul Godfrey – born into Jesus’ arms 9/12/06
My heart stands, broken, with the Godfrey family tonight and in the days to come.
God of all comfort, comfort them in their sorrow; hold them in their grief. Hold little Gabriel Paul in your Palm and love him like his mama and daddy and brothers would love him. Thank you for his life, so small, so short – but so important to You. He, and they, have touched so many families around the world. Surely, his days were not in vain.
The Perspective of Grief
(Warning: This post is highly emotional in content. If you are pregnant, or near the birth of your baby, or already carry heavy grief, it may be best for you to not read any further. I’m sorry that all of my posts lately seemingly deal with some of the “harder” aspects of life…I’m not really a gloomy “Eeyore” personality, but sometimes our lives are “just that way,” and to pretend otherwise would be wrong. Within every difficulty, there is a lesson to be learned, and a closer relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ to be gained.)
Forget the sticky floor. Ignore the crumbs. Oh, I know that a orderly home is a good reflection of an orderly God…and many of us strive for that – but don’t forget to take the time in the midst of all of the cleaning and schedules and schooling to hold your little one. Pull them in close, smile into their eyes, fill their hearts with love and acceptance. Rejoice that you have been given this blessed gift of parenthood.
Today my husband preached the most difficult sermon of his life – the funeral sermon for a precious six month old little boy named John. John was born in May with a diagnosis of hydrocephalus. All throughout his mother’s pregnancy, we had prayed and waited for his arrival. Ultrasound had shown a problem, but the extent was unknown until his birth.
Soon after John’s birth, a shunt was installed to allow fluid to drain from his brain. His parents were overjoyed to learn that John would be mostly well, that his disability should be mild. He came home to join two older brothers, Jake, age 3 and Joey, age 2, and an entire host of family and friends who loved him.
And love him, we all did. I’ve never known a sweeter baby. As he grew, we all enjoyed him. In the Church nursery, we marveled at his sweet disposition and easy smile. Everything seemed to be progressing well. Until Monday of this week.
On Monday, John fell ill, and was rushed to a Children’s Hospital for emergency surgery. His shunt had dislodged, and the pressure on his brain was immense. John left this earthly life on Wednesday, leaving his grieving family to await the day they will again see him face to face.
What grief, what sorrow, what heaviness surrounds us all. To watch two young parents grieve so mightily is not an easy thing. To observe as a mama wraps the blanket around her baby and tucks him in for the last time, to know the hole in her heart will never completely heal…reminds us all to make the most of the time that we DO have.
With the perspective of grief, my fussy toddler doesn’t seem quite so fussy. I rejoice in his toothy grin and exuberance, even as he makes messes for me to clean up. My eleven year old stretching toward independence doesn’t seem quite so annoying. I’m able to catch a glimpse of the man he will become. The smushed bananas, the fingerprints on the wall, the piles of shoes and laundry really don’t even come close in importance to the little people growing up in your home. To be able to still touch our children, to hold them, to love them, to simply watch them grow up is a gift, a blessing not to be taken for granted.
Oh Lord, please be especially near to those who have lost children. Please hold them close and comfort them, remind them of your precious promises of the PLACE you are preparing for those of us who love you. For those of us who have never known this grief, please help us to reach out to those who have. Help us to be able to carry the load for them when they do not have the strength. Remind us of our blessings, not our burdens.
The Baby Name Game
I used to envy prominent Bible figures. Naming a child was so easy. Either 1) God sent an angel and told you the child’s name, or 2) you used familial names…so, you only needed a first name, the rest was easy (ie: my sons would all bear the name Ben Jeffrey…son of Jeffrey) or 3) you filled your mouth to overflowing with papyrus root, chewed, and tried to repeat the phrase “Chubby Bunny.” Whatever sound came out, lo and behold, THAT was your child’s name. (Don’t some of those Biblical names sound like that?”)
But of course, names back then had meaning. God’s people didn’t just choose names out of thin air, simply because they were popular or flowed well with “Ben Something.” I’ve always thought it was interesting that the meaning of the person’s name really DID tell about them. It was like God KNEW beforehand who they would become. Imagine that! My name, Holly, means “poisonous,” like the berries are poisonous on the Holly tree. I have never liked that connotation, and have worked my entire cognitive life to become the antithesis of my name.
My husband and I used to name our children based upon what sounded good to us. We wanted our boys names to be strong, and the qualifier was that when shortened to a nick name, we would STILL like the name. It wasn’t a bad method, per se, because all of these years later we still “like” the names of our boys. (Jacob Robert, Nicholas Joel, Josiah Dayne and Samuel James.) Our girls names HAD to be feminine. I have a penchant for old and elegant names. (Emily Michele and Julia Marie.) There were always the friendly, yet obligatory, negotiations between my husband and me regarding names. Some times we were down to the wire of delivery before deciding on the name of our child. (Oh yes. I cannot fail to mention that for our sons, family names were OUT. The two patriarchal names we had to choose from were Merlin Harold and Everett Earl. If you have named your son either one of these, please forgive me. I mean no disrespect. I just couldn’t do it.)
God did something “new,” though, before our pregnancy with our 6th child. Ironically, this was briefly after our epiphany that God was the giver of life…not our feeble selves. Man, we sure did spend a lot of time thinking that we were in control of MOST areas of life. How does God put up with this arrogance in His creatures?
One day, I was in my basement folding laundry. (I spend ALOT of time there, btw. Just call me a basement dweller for this season of life.) I heard a voice, not audible, but as clear as any human I’ve ever heard speak. The voice said, “There will be another little boy. His name is Samuel.”
I stopped folding clothes. I swallowed hard. I hadn’t “intended” to have another child so soon. “Ahem. Well, okay Lord….that would be nice…..someday! Samuel is a good name!” A week later, I realized that God had meant NOW! I was already expecting Samuel when He spoke those words to me…I just didn’t know it. We planned on Samuel ALL throughout the pregnancy, and weren’t surprised at all when he was born…fully male and already looking like a “Samuel.” Now, Samuel isn’t any more special than any of our other children. I just think we weren’t listening for God’s voice in these matters before that point in our lives. It certainly dispelled any further notions in our minds of whether God was in control or not – does he give a name for a child who isn’t intended to “be?” We felt great peace.
Six months or so after Samuel’s birth, my husband came to me and said, “Hey, you know what? ******** would be a good name for our next child.” I nearly choked! My husband has always “avoided” the name game…preferring to give me great angst and concern that the child would grow up nameless due to his lack of decision. Now, here he was giving me the name, as whispered to him by God, for our next offspring. I readily agreed, for who am I to argue with God Almighty? I’m just thankful God didn’t whisper “Merlin” in my husband’s ear.
Deliberations continue at our house on the middle name for this particular child. I’m guessing that we will screech into delivery still awaiting Divine Intervention for a second name. All I know is that this time, I’m looking at the meanings of names. I’ll let you know in about 7 weeks.
Ye Olde Mama
Some of you think that I’m old. (C’mon. Admit it. Molly….) I’m thirty-seven, and working on baby number seven. I don’t feel old…in fact, I feel better than I did at age 18, and I DO believe that age is really only a number. We all live as long as God intends for us to live, so I don’t waste a lot of time fretting about my age. Okay, well, maybe only once in awhile when I can’t sleep and can literally feel my hair greying and the wrinkles creeping up from my knees to the sides of my eyes.
This post is for those of you whose blogs I’ve read, who worry about bearing children into old age. Don’t worry. I won’t mention names. It’s also for those who opine, “How do women over 30 EVER handle pregnancy,” and for those who “fret that their body will simply fall apart if the Lord keeps on blessin’ them with progeny.”
Now, this is not a “pie in the sky,” abuse your body and all will still be well story. The effects of the fall do affect us all. Bodies naturally get old and worn out…we all have to deal with that. But I want to share with you the positive side of the coin…sometimes, things actually DO get better!
I carried my first child at the age of 23. I felt….well…83. Nausea, pain, achiness, crabbiness…you name every pain and I was pretty sure I’d experienced it. Second child, age 25. Horrid, horrid pregnancy. Third child, age 26. Nausea so severe I spent most of the days on the couch, crawling to the kitchen to fry the kids an egg and throw a bag of chips on the table. Fourth child, age 28. Rinse, repeat. Awful, awful, awful days. I vowed to my friends I would NEVER go through that again. (I said I’d never try to aim for a miniscule clear cup to hand off to the nurse, either. Boy. Have I ever eaten THOSE words!) Every pregnancy I felt terrible pain. Pain in the pelvic floor, pain from an inguinal hernia, migraine headaches. Pain when I walked, or sat, or rolled over.
God changed our minds. Fifth child, age 32. Bad pregnancy for several months, but finally the fog began to clear. Sixth child, age 35. Wow! What was this? I felt surprisingly good! Seventh child, age 36-37. This pregnancy has been so incredible, I wish I could adequately communicate it to you. No nausea, no pain, no leg cramps, not much fatigue, only a few hormonal days that I REALLY deserved (!) I haven’t even actually felt pregnant until this last month. The last time I was my OB’s office and he measured my baby belly, he exclaimed, “Wow! God really put you together to carry and have babies.” (No one has ever told me this before. It’s just that he has observed as I’ve gone through this pregnancy, and it has been so…easy!” ) This OB makes no claims to Christianity, so hopefully, I’m being a good witness, too.
I can’t help but speculate upon the differences. Understand that there is absolutely no pride or bragging here. I stand in awe of what God has done in my life, and want to give Him due honor. First of all, I believe that God has extended mercy in my direction. (Praise Him, Praise Him!) Second, I believe that He has tenderly opened my eyes to the benefits of good stewardship of the body. Through our third son’s severe allergies, we began to eat more healthily, to pay attention to the things we did or didn’t put into our bodies. We pretty much cut out pop and junk food. I learned more about vitamins and minerals, and have to say that calcium really makes a difference in tired muscles and leg cramps! When I’m not pregnant, I really try to stay in shape, to take advantage of the time in between to tone up. I’m no fitness queen, nor would anyone ever choose me to model “anything,” but I just want to be healthy and the best, most energetic wife and mom that I can be for my husband and children.
If any of these fears of ancient mothering have been yours, if 35 sounds “over the hill” to you, then make your thoughts known to the Lord. This wonder He has worked in my life may not be the plan He has for yours, but then again…it just may. I’ve always heard that He is the God of second chances…I’m a believer.
Just for all of you young whippersnappers…Here’s a picture of me at 14 weeks with number seven. Click to enlarge.
Willing Hands, Wecoming Hearts
Are you sick of hearing me talk about “baby stuff?” I DO think about other things, honest, but “they” say to write about what you know – and right now, “babies” are what I know! 
Warning. My next post will be about babies, too. If you can’t stand it, you might want to skip right along when you see my name.
I suffered panic at the thought of re-instating schedules following the Christmas craziness. With basically 5 weeks or so left at that point, schedules seemed “pointless.” Many of you reminded me of the benefit of at least a “loose” schedule, urging me to not give up in despair but rather to glorify God in every situation. Thank you. So often we are so close to the situation that we can not see the path…and need a friend to point us in the right direction. So, you reminded me – I agreed and proceeded, and it is good.
A big concern of mine has been to make the addition of another child into the family a WONDERFUL thing, not something that the other children resent because of the additional work. It seems to me that each generation tends to atone almost excessively to correct what they perceive as a weakness of the generation before. Bottom line: I want my children to grow up loving the thought of having children, and for homeschooling to be something they loved so much they would choose it for their children as well. I have known too many people who have come from large families, who don’t want very many children at all. I was worried a little today, when I asked my 11 year old son how many children he wanted. He replied, “Oh, I don’t know. I don’t think I want a dozen.” “You don’t, hmmm?” I countered. “Nope. I think maybe eight. Eight would be a good number.” Whew. I thought he might say, “I want NO children!” The boy knows how much work a big family entails. He knows how much of himself a Daddy must give to a big family.
My question was, “How to continue our homeschooling year, prepare for a new child, enlist more help from my other children (who already carry responsibilities), make this an amazing and beautiful experience, yet feel myself more unable to keep up physically with a family of eight every day? (I’m down to a little over 3 weeks, now.)
I waited, I prayed…then the Lord reminded me that this was a great opportunity for teaching the older children how to love, how to serve, how to welcome a little one. It was up to me to communicate to them the proper attitude, to appreciate them, to apprentice them in yet another way, but it could be done! My girls could become my “ladies in waiting” and the “nurses” for the two little boys, and the older boys could use their muscles to carry the heavy laundry and unload groceries, and help with the more “muscular” chores. Just another aspect of school, of character training, of…life.
I love the idea of teaching all children responsibility…but never wanted to communicate to the children that they are my servants, or my slaves. They are not! They are family members, and as such, share important responsibilities, which will increase as they age. For our family, though, responsibility is a privilege, not a drudgery.
I also love that my older kids help with their younger siblings, but I want to be careful and not hand over too much of that responsibility. I want to retain my role as mama of my little ones; not hoisting too much of their care upon my big ones, lest they become resentful. I wouldn’t want to give up those precious years when they are little, anyway.
I met with each older child (13, 11 and 10) and went over their school schedules. We found areas in which they are way ahead of the game. The 10 year old is almost through with her math for the year, so she can take a break from that subject for awhile, instead working alongside of me for that hour. She helps with the toddler, reads to the three year old, helps make lunch, picks things up off the floor… The 11 year old is quite ahead in literature, and has almost completed his language arts for the year. He gets another hour…carries down laundry and sweeps the floor, wrestles with the little boys, picks things up off of the floor…The 13 year old will mostly have completed his grade level by the time the baby arrives, so he will be a big help after delivery before he begins some other projects and studies. I let them know how much I needed their help, and how much it meant to me. We also began letting them stay up a little later at night, letting them have a “treat” once the littles were in bed, sharing some special time with just the “big kids.”
I have been amazed by their willing hearts! Yes, I’m sure that it helps they get a reprieve from “some” studies and a little more ice cream on the side, but their compassion accompanied by hard work has been overwhelming! I know that I’ve told some of you with only little children that it gets easier, it gets better…that you can’t imagine what a blessing those little ones will become to you as they grow up – but how wonderful it is to be reminded of this very fact myself. So, for the present, the meals are cooked and served on time, the laundry is done, the schooling is done, the pantry is getting stocked and we continue to prepare for and anticipate the addition of a new family member….together. The kids are truly ecstatic to meet the new little one face to face. You’ve heard it said before so many times that it can become trite. But it’s not – it’s true. Children ARE a blessing, at all ages, not just when they’re little!
How Do You Welcome A Child?
I have a few traditions that I follow while anticipating the birth of a child. Some people, who can’t imagine having a large family, assume that because we already “have so many,” a new arrival is greeted with nothing but a sigh and a yawn. “What’s the big deal, anyway, if you reproduce with the regularity of hamsters?” I always usually take these comments with humor, realizing that what you don’t experience, you might not understand. I doubt that I understood the specialness, the uniqueness, surrounding the birth of consecutive children in a family…in fact, I’m SURE that I didn’t. How special could a seventh child be, anyway?
I was the fourth child, myself. My mama never did get around to filling out my baby book. I remember thru the years, that she continued to say, “I really need to get around to that some day.” She was a busy lady, and so, it never happened. She finally gave the book to me when I was around 30, and I filled it out myself. The one quote that she had written in the book was under the heading, “What Mother said when she first saw baby.” Mom had written, “she’s not a very pretty little thing.”
Well. Well. WELL! Devastation and gloom! That broke my little 7 year old heart when I read it. Being the confrontive sort, I took it to her, and asked her why she had said such a thing. She felt so terrible…she tried to explain it to me…she meant that I was all red and squished up. In reality, not so pretty. I accepted her explanation, but in the back of my mind I always used that comment when I felt sorry for myself, and wanted to believe that nobody loved me.
I think that made me determined that each child of mine, no matter which one, would always feel loved, wanted and cherished. I wanted it recorded for them to read, time and time again, to their heart’s content.
Here are a few of the things that I like to do while we await the birth of a child…every child…even number 7.
I begin a journal for the baby. It isn’t much in the early weeks, but following prenatal visits, I record for the baby things like statistics, cravings, how thrilled we are to be welcoming him/her. I want them to know that from the very beginning, we are longing to see them, to know them, to hold them. I eventually tell their birth story to them, and let them know how much their siblings love them. (Wouldn’t it be amazing to read something like this, yourself? I hope my children love this gift, someday, and find wonderful assurance through this journal.) I continue the journal throughout the children’s years…admittedly, with many children, I don’t update too often, but at least they can know their mama’s hopes and dreams and prayers for them.
I choose a cross-stitch birth sampler, and begin sewing it as soon as possible. The finished sampler (completed with birth details once baby is here) hangs in our hallway, below a current picture of each child. (Note: Don’t choose too hard of a sampler, or you may end up a few children behind. Ask me how I know.)
My mom crochets a blanket for the little one. I pick out the pattern. There are some incredibly soft yarns available!
Most of the baby clothes can be handed down from baby to baby…but I always buy the new baby socks and washcloths. I do not know why! I guess that I can not stand to put dingy socks on perfect little feet nor to wash that sweet scrunched face with a stained cloth. It’s just a “thing” with me.
I make my baby announcements. Sure, I could buy them…but I have this fear that some day, number 7 might lisp, “Mommy, you don’t love me. I know, because you hand-made everyone else’s baby cards except mine.” Some poor relatives probably wish we would quit sending announcements…but I love putting “just the right scripture” on that card, and letting them see the care that has gone into the preparation. I want them to know that this child is wanted, not “just another baby,” but a unique individual filled with beauty and promise.
I set aside a special “first day” outfit…which I will someday place in their keepsake box. Every once in awhile the kids look thru their boxes, and simply can’t believe they were once so small.
There are many things I do for the baby’s first year and beyond…photographs, a scrapbook, a baby book with records, etc., and there are many other practical preparations made for the arrival as well: cooking ahead, stocking the pantry, cleaning and sorting, preparing for grandparents to visit and more. You ALL know how busy those last few weeks can be.
I would love to hear from you. Please feel free to share with us in the comments below the traditions or special ways that you welcome a new child into your family.
The Babe Has Arrived!
Thanks everyone, for your well wishes and congratulations.
It feels so nice to have him here…wonderful to caress those sweet little toes on the outside instead of just wondering what they looked like while inside.
A little bit about him: His name is Benjamin Cade. Benjamin means “son of my right hand,” and Cade means “pure.” He weighed 7 lbs. 9 oz., and is our littlest peanut yet. He is long and skinny, with impossibly long fingers. (We seem to make two types of kids…compact/soft or long/lean.) He fits the latter category.
Benjamin has blond hair, which is entirely new to us! Our other children have had dark hair at birth. This one looks so much like his Daddy, it is just amazing. (Well, when he yawns and cries he looks like his grandpa…and it is a little weird nursing someone who looks like your father in law…but….what can I do? I’m already hopelessly committed!)
Ben even had an extra special present for his Daddy. Besides sharing a birthday, they share the neatest chin cleft, although Benjamin’s is still rather faint. I’ve always hoped one of our sons would inherit that cleft…and finally, one has.
Labor was fast…almost too fast to mention. Thirty minutes of contractions and two extended pushes…and Benjamin tumbled into the world. I felt great afterward…almost as if I hadn’t really given birth. The old muscles and joints have caught up and surpassed the euphoria of birth, however, and I now concede that I am sore and tired.
The other kids are doing great. They are enjoying Benjamin and are quite helpful (and maybe just a little territorial and bossy.) (And WHO do they get that from?)
We are blessed. There is no doubt in our minds that God had Benjamin planned from the beginning of time – that He indeed has a purpose for this little guy. We’re just glad to be along for the party – to be able to begin to raise him and guide him, to nurture and love him. It is our prayer that Benjamin would walk with God all the days of his life, that God in His mercy would allow Benjamin to grow up to be man after His own heart, and that we would be faithful models for our precious son.
Taking Care of Mama
The last few nights, I’ve spent the last hour before bed unwinding with the new baby. Since all of the older kids are in bed, I have just one little guy to focus on. I run a warm bath, undress baby, place a towel over his car seat, and set him down in the seat to wait for a minute. I hop in the tub myself, then pick baby up so he can take a bath with me.
Benjamin loves it, I think it makes him remember the warmth that surrounded him in utero. I love it, knowing that my time frame for being able to do this with him is brief. I admit to crying as I hold his tiny foot in my hand, remembering how such a short time ago it was pushing outward on my ribs, and knowing how quickly it will grow into a man’s size 9. Will I ever get to experience this special time with a newborn again? I don’t know. I’d like to think so, but I don’t know God’s plan for the future; so I’m going to enjoy this time with my little guy while I can. I’m also quite hormonal. So, sue me.
This post is for you over extended, sleep deprived, foggy brained moms of newborns, and the message is Take care of yourselves!
We moms can be so hard on ourselves. I know that I am! I expected to pick up the slack with homeschooling, keep right on with healthy cooking, and whip the ol’ body back into shape immediately. I hate being flabby in any area.
I need to remind myself, and you, that it is good and desirable to take a reasonable amount of time away from the frenzy of life when you have a baby. It is in your best interest to take care of yourself now, so that you don’t pay the price, healthwise, at a later date. People don’t usually need to be told to “be selfish,” that seems to come naturally. But new moms sometimes don’t know that it is okay to step back from life, to take a little break, to ease up, to enjoy the new baby and to make sure that the rest of the family enjoys him too. We’re a group of over-achievers, us mothers, and we think life will all fall apart if we are “out of the groove” for a few weeks.
Losing sleep alone is hard on the body. Pile that on top of the physical process of carrying a child and of giving birth, and if you aren’t careful, you will completely wear yourself down. Motherhood involves daily self sacrifice, and this is good. Through the daily trials we grow more like Christ and take on His character. Taking care of yourself is not selfish, though, it is doing your part to be around for your husband and children for years to come. Call it good stewardship…because that’s exactly what it is. You only get one chance at this thing called life, and only one body, so you need to do your best with what you’ve been given.
Eat healthily. Get the sleep you can. Let someone else carry the heavy things for a few weeks. Drink lots of good water, especially if you are breastfeeding. Delegate chores to the older kids, if you have them. If you speak kindly to the kids, and remind them of the blessed privilege of caring for their family, they are getting the best training possible! Take your vitamins. If someone offers to bring you a meal, pull out your calendar and sign them up with a smile. Otherwise, pull out some cans and make some chili and instant pudding. Think EASY! If someone offers to do your laundry, give them a big ol’ hug and “thank you.” Ease into exercise, gradually. If you stick with it, you will have your body back soon enough. The baby won’t need you so intensively before long, and you won’t regret the “down” time taken with him. Sometimes it can feel like forever, but it’s not….even if you have lots of children.
Steal the moments…a few here and a few there…a few moments in prayer, a chapter in a book, some pretty smelling lotion on your skin, a tall glass of cool water, or a bath with your baby. Savor the time, enrich your soul, bring healing to your body so that you can be the best mom possible for your family in the days to come.
Benjamin loves to snooze by the heater (set on low) after a bath.
Fertility and Infertility
I have thought a lot about the pain carried by those who struggle with infertility this week. Our friend, Barbara Curtis, of Mommylife, wrote very candidly about her own journey to megamotherhood. Some of her readers, who struggle with infertility, were wounded in the process. They weren’t wounded so much by what Barbara said, but more by the comments made in response to her post.
So, this post is for those who struggle with infertility, whether primary or secondary…it has to just plain HURT.
I’d like to say that I am so sorry that you have had to experience this struggle. This isn’t an easy thing to talk about…oh, we may talk about it with our closer friends; but on average we avoid the topic. Understandably so, because we don’t want to wound each other. And yet, it touches so many sore spots.
I understand that some of you dear ladies who have struggled with infertility feel somehow “less.” Your questions may go something like this: “Why hasn’t God blessed me with a child? Have I done something wrong? Would I be such a horrible mother? Apparently God doesn’t trust me with children. Why is it so easy for a teen mother to conceive a child that she is encouraged to destroy, when my husband and I would LOVE a child to parent together?”
Ouch. Those thoughts can scrape a heart raw. And who can fix it, really, but God? “And why doesn’t He answer my prayer for a child, anyway?”
As a very fertile woman, I am so sorry for your pain. If I could wrap my arms around you and hug you, I would. A child is indeed the heart cry of most women. It is something that our Creator has placed within us. We were designed to love, hold, nurture, feed a child.
I am sorry that you feel “less.” Listen to me, please. You are NOT less. Not in any way. How could you be? You were made by a loving Father, you are Beloved to Him.
We often say, regarding a woman who has children, “You are very blessed.” Does this imply in reverse that if you don’t have children, or many children, that you are NOT blessed? No.
It means that for some reason, God in His wisdom has you on a different journey. The life He has planned for me is not the life He has planned for you. If I walk into your home, and see the lovely decor and the marvelous talents God has blessed you with, that does not mean I am NOT blessed. If I watch you interact with your mother and sisters in incredible ways, yet I don’t have that relationship with mine, it doesn’t mean that you are blessed but I am cursed. If your husband is your soulmate, but my husband and I have to struggle to make our marriage work – am I less blessed? What about your sophisticated intelligence, your ability to wrestle with logic while my brain hurts to plan supper? Or your time to eloquently write or craft; while I can’t find time to shower?
There are no comparisons here, dear sisters. There are only beautiful members of the body of Christ, with differing methods of glorifying God.
God will use you, if your heart is turned to Him, to bring glory to His name.
Don’t doubt Him. He has a purpose for you, a plan. He will perfect it, He never fails. He can be trusted, even when you don’t understand.
He may not ever give you a biological child, but He might, too. It has been my JOY over several years to pray for many women who desire children. Many, many of them have been able to conceive after years of infertility. Many of them have been told by doctors that they would never have children. It is my belief that God is tender toward women in this desire. Hannah’s story in the Bible is one of my favorite. It reassures me that it is correct for us to petition God for our heart’s cry. How many times do we read of God looking down on women, hearing their cry, and then opening their womb? Many, many times. I think you must not give up on hope; yet determine to live a life that will trust and praise God, no matter what. This is what we must ALL do, whether we have many children, one child, or none.
Regardless, I pray that this issue will not be contentious between us as sisters. If I talk about or rejoice in my large family, it is never to make you feel less. It is simply delighting in what God has given me. Having a large family is full of its’ special struggles, too, and in the real world large families face many negative comments. But I must be thankful, or I negate His gifts, whatever they are. If you rejoice in your blessings, we will rejoice with you, thanking God for the way He has touched your life. If we can lift you up, encourage you, bless you, pray with you for your heart’s desire; then as Christian sisters, it is our responsibility and wish to do so.
Draw close to Him, regard Him as your Father to whom you are infinitely precious, and seek to trust His heart.
