What then should a mother read?
I suspect the world is divided into book lovers and non – book lovers.
It is something we don’t seem to be ambivalent about. We either have a stack of books piled upon the side table or in every nook and cranny – or we could care less about reading and find fulfillment in other ways.
What SHOULD a mommy read? Should she even BE reading? I mean…there’s so much else she should be doing. Maybe she should feel guilty when she IS reading.
There’s lots of different thought on this. Some feel you aren’t intellectual if you aren’t reading. Some say you can’t read fiction. Some say you can only read if your house is spotless and you have a month of freezer meals tucked away. I have a friend who only allows herself to read in winter. Summer is for industry; winter is for reading. (Her home is always spotless, kids perfectly behaved and she’s gorgeous to boot. It stinks having her for a friend, let me tell you.)
Karen Andreola (author of the Charlotte Mason Companion) says that reading is vital to a mother. She says you should always have three books going on. (At least, Karen!) One should be to challenge you, perhaps dealing with meaty doctrinal subjects. The second should be an easy read….perhaps a biography. The third should be simply for pleasure, a book to transport you away.
If you like to read, I believe this is good advice. Even when you are a busy mommy.
Charlotte Mason advised replenishing the soul with a continual supply of ideas. “Never be without a good book on hand….Do not think this is a selfish thing to do, because the advantage does not end with yourself.”
It is not written anywhere reputable that in order to be a good mommy you must not take the time to read. All things in balance, you know. I’m sure there will be days and seasons where you are not able to read much…we all go through times like that.
But in general, when a mom tells me that she “loves to read, but just can’t find time” I feel a little sad.
Reading is the best way to keep from feeling that your intellect is rotting. When you crave adult conversation after days at home with the little people – a book is there to help you join in the “great conversation” of life. Some of you have mentioned sharing books with your husband. It gives you something to talk about. I like Karen’s advice on how to balance the reading. I’ve been thru phases where I’ve only read fiction. I’ve been thru phases where I’ve only read medical type books. Phases for current events, biographies, topics…
I’ve had days where the only reading I’ve been able to do have been while brushing my teeth before bed or a paragraph on the potty. Whatever works.
If you are neglecting your children and feeding them absolute junk so that you can read; then yes, you have issues that you need to deal with. J But otherwise – don’t feel guilty for a 10 minute break to feed your mind. You ARE what you read!
p.s. Disclaimer. For those who need to hear me say it…OF COURSE the Bible is the FIRST book you should be reading. That goes without saying. :)
I Can’t…
“I can’t do this,” I say to myself at least ten times a day.
I. Simply. Can’t. Do. This. It is too hard.
I can’t do what YOU have called me to.
I can’t be a good mom, an excellent wife, an adequate teacher, a loyal daughter, a conscientious sister…
I can’t change the baby and nurse him and bathe him…while potty training the toddler and wiping up the dip he used to finger paint the chairs. And just how did he get the laundry powder into the cat’s food?
I can’t braid the girl’s hair and oversee their play practice and settle their squabble. And why do they boss each other around?
I can’t correct the four year old’s problematic speech patterns and teach him to write his name. And why does he whine?
I can’t answer the 12 year old’s question on “why the words of Jesus are in red but the question mark is in black?” And why can’t he ever find his socks?
I can’t help the 14 year old with his algebra….oh yes. Thank you for prompting me to buy the curriculum cds.
I just can’t Lord. At least not all at once!
My Lord says, “You CAN, my child. You CAN. One thing at a time, one priority at a time. I’ll give you what you need. Moment by moment. Come on over here. Climb right on up. That’s right. My arms are big enough to hold it all, to handle it all. Take just a minute…breathe deep. I AM sufficient. Calm your heart. I didn’t ask you to be PERFECT. I asked you to walk with Me, to love these little ones, to love that man I joined you with. Do what you can, do your best, put your hand right here…and squeeze extra hard when you think you’re going to lose it. I AM. I am for you. I am with you. I will strengthen you. I will uphold you. I will teach you all you need to know. Simply Come.”
I CAN! I WILL! I DO!
9 I took you from the ends of the earth,
from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, ‘You are my servant’;
I have chosen you and have not rejected you.
10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:9-10)
Gabriel Paul Godfrey – born into Jesus’ arms 9/12/06
My heart stands, broken, with the Godfrey family tonight and in the days to come.
God of all comfort, comfort them in their sorrow; hold them in their grief. Hold little Gabriel Paul in your Palm and love him like his mama and daddy and brothers would love him. Thank you for his life, so small, so short – but so important to You. He, and they, have touched so many families around the world. Surely, his days were not in vain.
Losing Myself, Part I
Over the years I have had many young mothers (and some not so young!) speak to me about the difficulty of losing one’s identity while mothering.
“I just need to do something for myself.”
“I NEVER get any time to myself.”
“I need some “Me Time.”
“I need to discover who I am.”
No doubt about it. The mothering of young children is exhausting at times, and all-consuming. It IS easy to get lost in the process, and feel like there is almost nothing left of the person we once were.
Secular magazines encourage us to ditch the kids as soon as we can. I even remember reading advice from a well-known Christian counselor several years ago, which stated that Mom and Dad needed to begin a regular date night when their newborn was ONE WEEK OLD. This was intended to establish individuality away from the infant, to reassert that Mom had her own life apart from the baby, and to reassure the infant that other people could adequately care for him or her.
I couldn’t help but think, “But what if that is not possible?” What if you have never lived near family members and do not have a strong support system? What if your husband works two or three jobs just to heat the house during the winter months? Should you feel cheated if you don’t get out once a week? Will you completely lose your identity as a person if you are at home with your children for three weeks at a time during flu season? (I remember one year when someone was throwing up for eleven straight days at our house. That was ONE BAD FLU!) After ten years of parenting are you doomed to a shallow, unintelligent existence…will you find yourself babbling with the monkeys at the local zoo?
Well, honestly, some days it may feel like it. But my greatest epiphany of mothering came after four children. God somehow broke through my thickness with a clarity that struck me (almost) speechless. I don’t know how I missed it – this message is woven time after time after time through the scriptures.
“IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU! All that you need to know about yourself, you will find in Me.” Shocking words to someone who thought that she was the important one in this entire family equation. Totally jaw-dropping words to someone who couldn’t wait to bring these children to maturity so that she could get on with life.
God continued….”What if I DO just want you to be a mother? Would you trust me that this would be enough for your life? Could you find contentment in that vocation, in serving your husband and children?”
“What if I have greater plans for your child, or your grandchild – and your main purpose was to give them life, then to pour YOUR life into shaping them into the person that I have planned for them to be?”
“Oh but Lord, that means,….sacrifice. Don’t I already do enough? Who will I become?”
“Dear Child, you will become just exactly who I intended for you to be. Don’t you remember reading my words, ‘He who loses his life for MY sake will find it?’?”
The conversations went on for some time. God prodding, humbling me and me gradually warming to His will.
The dethroning of ME literally transformed my mothering and the priority I placed upon it. The next time I write, I would like to share with you how although God has increased my responsibilities since then (I am a full-time pastor’s wife, have children who require special diets, have added two more children with another due in February) He has blessed and enriched and matured me in Him. He has given me the relationship with my husband that young girls always dream of and has broadened my learning experiences and capacity to learn in amazing ways. He has taught me how to take refreshment from Him in the moments of life, not through hours of ME time. When we die to self and submit to God, it does not mean the end of life. It means just the beginning!
For now, it is Friday evening and I have a hungry family to feed. Looking forward to next time…..
Losing Myself, Part Two
Awhile ago I wrote regarding dying to self. I have been trying to get back to it, but God has had other plans for me. Apparently, I needed a little bit more work in this area, and it looks like I will continue to need it. Taking up one’s cross seems to be a daily thing.
My entire family (including myself) has been sick for the past two weeks with one nasty cold virus that just keeps on giving and giving. I am convinced that God’s School for Mothers in the Way of Self Sacrifice is conducted during cold and flu season. What a wonderful training ground, and what a perfect chance to practice self-denial over and over again. You’ve ALL been there, haven’t you? I’ve had ample time these two weeks to shove the refrain, “But what about ME!?!!?!” back down from whence it came and instead whisper a prayer that my service to my sick ones be a sacrifice of praise to my Lord. I don’t always succeed, I assure you…but my heart and soul and body strive to improve.
As mothers, I think we can have many fears when someone talks about dying to self. There is the fear that if we give our entire selves over to God to use for our families, our intellect will rot. There is the fear of losing ourselves. Will we ever be able to fulfill those dreams we once had for our lives? What about our gifts and talents that God has uniquely given us? When will we develop or practice them? What about ministry? Who has time for ministry with small children? What about rest, or refreshment? Won’t we burn out if we give so much of ourselves away?
Calm your hearts. The One who made you knows you, and will equip you to do what He has called you to do. I believe that maturing in mothering occurs step by step, not all in one big bucket of grace dumped over your head. As God asks you to take another step, and you obey with a humble heart, He gives you what you need for that step.
I’ll answer some of the questions: No. Your intellect will not rot. A mother today needs to be aware and alert and educated on so many things. Our children are highly at risk in today’s society, and we can’t afford to be naïve or unaware. Yes, you may be sleep deprived and your thinking may be fuzzy at times, but it won’t always be so. Ask God to bless your mind and to give you clarity of thought, so that you can be the mom He wants you to be. I look back on my life, and feel like I didn’t even wake up to real life until I hit 30. God has enlarged my perspective and understanding, and has truly given me the ability to learn much better now than in the past.
Will I lose myself, my identity? Well, yes and no. You’ll lose yourself, but you’ll find yourself in Him. The person who I once thought I should be would have been a real failure. God alone knew who I was really supposed to be, and He continues to daily mold me into His likeness, as long as I remain pliable and not brittle. I don’t endorse “Worm” theology, which says you are worth nothing. I instead believe that you find your worth and value through God, not through human strivings. I also don’t subscribe to “Doormat” theology, which says that you must allow yourself to be walked upon and used by everyone in order to be “holy.” You are to be used by God, for His purpose. He defines you, He refines you. He longs to make you completely His and to bring glory to Himself through your life.
Will we fulfill our dreams? Oh yes, and so much more. I am convinced that we limit God by confining Him to our dreams, to our plans. When we submit to Him, he GIVES us dreams!
What about our gifts and talents? Should we bury them in search of self-denial? Absolutely not. There may be a time when your children are really small that it seems this way, but as they begin to grow there is so much you can share with them. Share YOURSELF, blossom with your family. Bless them with your talents. This is your time with THEM, there will prayerfully be plenty of time to share those talents with others after the children don’t need you so much. I have asked God to maximize my efficiency, and to teach me how to do the mundane, routine things I must do, so that I have more time. As I have been willing, He has been faithful.
Ministry? Again, if you are a mom at home, I believe that your first ministry should be to your husband and children. When we first came to our current church, my husband made it clear to the congregation that the children were my first priority. He spoke my heart when he added that “she will be happy to be involved in any way she can with any extra time she has, but the kids come first.” There are two things I want to be sure to let you know: First, by being a committed mother, you ARE ministering. Not only to your children, but to those who are watching you. People DO watch you – in the store, at church, at lessons, everywhere! Second, God can multiply your effectiveness, if you ask Him to. He can use you through few minutes on the phone with another mom, with the written word, with small service at church as you are able. Don’t worry and stress about this, don’t seek out extra ministry jobs without God’s leading. IF He leads you, then by all means, trust Him to equip you. If not, then trust Him that He is using you right where He has you.
Finally, for this time, Rest and Refreshment. How on earth to you “die to self” and seek the path of self sacrifice AND have rest and refreshment? Moment by moment, dear mama! I find myself so grateful some days for a simple five minutes when no one needs me. I believe the key is in a heart of gratitude. If I adopt the attitude of “I deserve some time,” then I won’t feel rested even if I get the time. If I thank the Lord for just a minute to sit down, I feel His blessing and his refreshment. No, I don’t think it is wrong for a mother to take a little time away when she is able. What a blessing that can be, what a help to soothe a troubled mind! Yet, to demand it, to feel cheated when it doesn’t happen as often as we’d like, is counter-productive. I am not able to sit through as many church services as I’d like. Between sick children and working in the nursery or teaching a toddler’s class, I find I may only attend a morning service or two per month. (People tell me all about my husband’s great sermon, and I just smile. I often have no idea what they are talking about.) When I am able to come, oh, let me tell you, the Lord just pours it on me. I drink in the music, the worship, the beauty of God’s people, the love that is shown. Sometimes I sit and cry with thankfulness to the Lord, with gratitude that He has given me this time and that He takes time with me to teach me and draw me to His side. He gives me more in these few moments than in a “month of Sundays.” He truly is the “Lover of our souls,” and has our best in mind.
He is faithful, dear sisters. Don’t be afraid to submit yourself to Him to do with as He wishes. He will never fail you nor disappoint you. People will, but God can be trusted. The journey is not always easy, nor painfree. I couldn’t promise you that. But I can promise you that it will be worth it. The truth is, not very much in life is “all about me.” It is instead “all about what GOD can do THROUGH me, if I let Him.”
Mothering Through Sickness
We visited the library this week, due to sweet pleadings from my three year old. I should have known better. Not that I want illiterate children, nor do I have anything against appropriately chosen books….it’s just…the bacteria buffet that permeates the toddler toy area and clings to the board books makes me cringe. But, what is a mama to do when a little one asks in such a precious manner…”Please, Mama. Can’t we go INSIDE the library?”
If you’ve ever been stuck inside for a good long month due to hacking coughs or viral infections, you understand my reticence. (And, of course you have!) My family just recovered from a 3 week respiratory illness, and I didn’t want to fight that yet again. Nonetheless, I succumbed, and in we went.
Home we came, rewarded three days later with a nasty stomach bug that kept the baby up screaming in the night for several days. He is on the mend, prayerfully, and we will emerge from yet another trip through germ valley.
I rocked my little boy last night, and through tiredness and stressed nerves marveled in a moment of holy awe. God allows me, as a mama, to soothe a fevered brow, to trace small circles of comfort on an upset tummy. We as women and mothers minister, directly, to the hurting and the wounded. To kiss their troubled cheek, to watch their delicate eyelashes flutter down at last in sleep, to catch that last hiccupped sigh…this is the ministry that even angels don’t have the privilege of regularly keeping.
I work so diligently to build my family’s bodies healthy and strong through nutrition and clean living, but there are times when illnesses come no matter what we do. Because some of my little ones don’t react well to strong prescription medicines, I am trying to learn the art of using herbs and essential oils to treat illnesses when possible. (One of my new cyber-friends, Dawn C., is helping me out in amazing ways. Thank you, Dawn!)
I don’t feel I know enough about either the herbs or oils yet to share any information, I just want to reassure you of the difference your care can make for your family. (It isn’t just limited to children, or to little ones. Husbands enjoy some good care, too, and I think my teenager felt kind of special at the attention the last time he was sick, as well.)
Sometimes when my home is overwhelmed with sicknesses, I have to remind myself that “this IS a ministry.” It is a VALID ministry. It is probably one of the first ministries that God gives to us as women. He gifts us with the capacity of compassion, and the desire to nurture. It is so easy for me to begin to feel frustrated at missing so many things…church services, practicing hospitality, visits with friends…and yet, if I just let those things go and take care of the sick ones, my spirits improve and I can enjoy the role of caregiver. (I’ll be honest. I don’t enjoy the missed sleep…yet God is our supplier, and somehow, He will provide what we need!)
When I have sick ones in the house, one of the first things I need to do is provide properly for their nutrition. If they have eaten something that causes a reaction because of their allergies, I place them on quite a restrictive diet. If they have a cold, they get extra vitamins and teas, special oils rubbed on their lymph nodes, back and throat . I pull out some of my home made broth from the freezer, and warm it for them to drink.
If they aren’t terribly sick, they are set up on the couch, complete with books and quiet toys. If the illness is dreadful, and contagious, then clean crisp sheets are in order for an isolated bedroom. A little peppermint oil on their pajamas or pillow is an extra special touch, that can even help bring down a fever. (Thanks again, Dawn!) Cool water with lemon and a bendy straw is a MUST! Surprisingly, even though “comfort” is my goal, the sick one always seems ready to get out of that bed and to return to full fledged life among the healthy.
Baths are another way to revive a sickling. Tepid baths or sponge baths to gently bring down a fever; warm baths to help those suffering from colds. Sometimes I do a few small drops of peppermint oil in the water to open sinuses (but be careful, too much feels hot to the skin); if a child needs to be soothed, I like to put in some lavender oil. It is quite calming!
While you are ministering to your family, don’t forget to take the best care of yourself that you can…even though it is on the run. I always drink lots of extra pure water, and boost the vitamin C myself. You know how extra miserable it is when Mom is sick too!
This is such a great time to teach the other children compassion. Those old enough can help with extra laundry, can serve a sick sibling, can help out by reading to the little ones or by selecting toys or books for those who are sick. They will grow up knowing how to care for their own families, and your boys will become men who are compassionate to their wives through times of illness.
This is just a reminder to the lady of the house. The care you are giving to your loved ones is more than just drudgery, or something that has to be done. Don’t downplay the importance of soft tissues and cool drinks and clean sheets. This care, when given with a loving heart and kind words and gentle hands, is service not only for your family, but service for the King!
P.S. Three of my favorite books are Prescription for Nutritional Healing, Super-Immunity for Kids by Dr. Leo Galland, and Mommy Diagnostics by Shonda Parker. Please feel free to share your favorite resources and tips in the comments!
Ye Olde Mama
Some of you think that I’m old. (C’mon. Admit it. Molly….) I’m thirty-seven, and working on baby number seven. I don’t feel old…in fact, I feel better than I did at age 18, and I DO believe that age is really only a number. We all live as long as God intends for us to live, so I don’t waste a lot of time fretting about my age. Okay, well, maybe only once in awhile when I can’t sleep and can literally feel my hair greying and the wrinkles creeping up from my knees to the sides of my eyes.
This post is for those of you whose blogs I’ve read, who worry about bearing children into old age. Don’t worry. I won’t mention names. It’s also for those who opine, “How do women over 30 EVER handle pregnancy,” and for those who “fret that their body will simply fall apart if the Lord keeps on blessin’ them with progeny.”
Now, this is not a “pie in the sky,” abuse your body and all will still be well story. The effects of the fall do affect us all. Bodies naturally get old and worn out…we all have to deal with that. But I want to share with you the positive side of the coin…sometimes, things actually DO get better!
I carried my first child at the age of 23. I felt….well…83. Nausea, pain, achiness, crabbiness…you name every pain and I was pretty sure I’d experienced it. Second child, age 25. Horrid, horrid pregnancy. Third child, age 26. Nausea so severe I spent most of the days on the couch, crawling to the kitchen to fry the kids an egg and throw a bag of chips on the table. Fourth child, age 28. Rinse, repeat. Awful, awful, awful days. I vowed to my friends I would NEVER go through that again. (I said I’d never try to aim for a miniscule clear cup to hand off to the nurse, either. Boy. Have I ever eaten THOSE words!) Every pregnancy I felt terrible pain. Pain in the pelvic floor, pain from an inguinal hernia, migraine headaches. Pain when I walked, or sat, or rolled over.
God changed our minds. Fifth child, age 32. Bad pregnancy for several months, but finally the fog began to clear. Sixth child, age 35. Wow! What was this? I felt surprisingly good! Seventh child, age 36-37. This pregnancy has been so incredible, I wish I could adequately communicate it to you. No nausea, no pain, no leg cramps, not much fatigue, only a few hormonal days that I REALLY deserved (!) I haven’t even actually felt pregnant until this last month. The last time I was my OB’s office and he measured my baby belly, he exclaimed, “Wow! God really put you together to carry and have babies.” (No one has ever told me this before. It’s just that he has observed as I’ve gone through this pregnancy, and it has been so…easy!” ) This OB makes no claims to Christianity, so hopefully, I’m being a good witness, too.
I can’t help but speculate upon the differences. Understand that there is absolutely no pride or bragging here. I stand in awe of what God has done in my life, and want to give Him due honor. First of all, I believe that God has extended mercy in my direction. (Praise Him, Praise Him!) Second, I believe that He has tenderly opened my eyes to the benefits of good stewardship of the body. Through our third son’s severe allergies, we began to eat more healthily, to pay attention to the things we did or didn’t put into our bodies. We pretty much cut out pop and junk food. I learned more about vitamins and minerals, and have to say that calcium really makes a difference in tired muscles and leg cramps! When I’m not pregnant, I really try to stay in shape, to take advantage of the time in between to tone up. I’m no fitness queen, nor would anyone ever choose me to model “anything,” but I just want to be healthy and the best, most energetic wife and mom that I can be for my husband and children.
If any of these fears of ancient mothering have been yours, if 35 sounds “over the hill” to you, then make your thoughts known to the Lord. This wonder He has worked in my life may not be the plan He has for yours, but then again…it just may. I’ve always heard that He is the God of second chances…I’m a believer.
Just for all of you young whippersnappers…Here’s a picture of me at 14 weeks with number seven. Click to enlarge.
Willing Hands, Wecoming Hearts
Are you sick of hearing me talk about “baby stuff?” I DO think about other things, honest, but “they” say to write about what you know – and right now, “babies” are what I know! 
Warning. My next post will be about babies, too. If you can’t stand it, you might want to skip right along when you see my name.
I suffered panic at the thought of re-instating schedules following the Christmas craziness. With basically 5 weeks or so left at that point, schedules seemed “pointless.” Many of you reminded me of the benefit of at least a “loose” schedule, urging me to not give up in despair but rather to glorify God in every situation. Thank you. So often we are so close to the situation that we can not see the path…and need a friend to point us in the right direction. So, you reminded me – I agreed and proceeded, and it is good.
A big concern of mine has been to make the addition of another child into the family a WONDERFUL thing, not something that the other children resent because of the additional work. It seems to me that each generation tends to atone almost excessively to correct what they perceive as a weakness of the generation before. Bottom line: I want my children to grow up loving the thought of having children, and for homeschooling to be something they loved so much they would choose it for their children as well. I have known too many people who have come from large families, who don’t want very many children at all. I was worried a little today, when I asked my 11 year old son how many children he wanted. He replied, “Oh, I don’t know. I don’t think I want a dozen.” “You don’t, hmmm?” I countered. “Nope. I think maybe eight. Eight would be a good number.” Whew. I thought he might say, “I want NO children!” The boy knows how much work a big family entails. He knows how much of himself a Daddy must give to a big family.
My question was, “How to continue our homeschooling year, prepare for a new child, enlist more help from my other children (who already carry responsibilities), make this an amazing and beautiful experience, yet feel myself more unable to keep up physically with a family of eight every day? (I’m down to a little over 3 weeks, now.)
I waited, I prayed…then the Lord reminded me that this was a great opportunity for teaching the older children how to love, how to serve, how to welcome a little one. It was up to me to communicate to them the proper attitude, to appreciate them, to apprentice them in yet another way, but it could be done! My girls could become my “ladies in waiting” and the “nurses” for the two little boys, and the older boys could use their muscles to carry the heavy laundry and unload groceries, and help with the more “muscular” chores. Just another aspect of school, of character training, of…life.
I love the idea of teaching all children responsibility…but never wanted to communicate to the children that they are my servants, or my slaves. They are not! They are family members, and as such, share important responsibilities, which will increase as they age. For our family, though, responsibility is a privilege, not a drudgery.
I also love that my older kids help with their younger siblings, but I want to be careful and not hand over too much of that responsibility. I want to retain my role as mama of my little ones; not hoisting too much of their care upon my big ones, lest they become resentful. I wouldn’t want to give up those precious years when they are little, anyway.
I met with each older child (13, 11 and 10) and went over their school schedules. We found areas in which they are way ahead of the game. The 10 year old is almost through with her math for the year, so she can take a break from that subject for awhile, instead working alongside of me for that hour. She helps with the toddler, reads to the three year old, helps make lunch, picks things up off the floor… The 11 year old is quite ahead in literature, and has almost completed his language arts for the year. He gets another hour…carries down laundry and sweeps the floor, wrestles with the little boys, picks things up off of the floor…The 13 year old will mostly have completed his grade level by the time the baby arrives, so he will be a big help after delivery before he begins some other projects and studies. I let them know how much I needed their help, and how much it meant to me. We also began letting them stay up a little later at night, letting them have a “treat” once the littles were in bed, sharing some special time with just the “big kids.”
I have been amazed by their willing hearts! Yes, I’m sure that it helps they get a reprieve from “some” studies and a little more ice cream on the side, but their compassion accompanied by hard work has been overwhelming! I know that I’ve told some of you with only little children that it gets easier, it gets better…that you can’t imagine what a blessing those little ones will become to you as they grow up – but how wonderful it is to be reminded of this very fact myself. So, for the present, the meals are cooked and served on time, the laundry is done, the schooling is done, the pantry is getting stocked and we continue to prepare for and anticipate the addition of a new family member….together. The kids are truly ecstatic to meet the new little one face to face. You’ve heard it said before so many times that it can become trite. But it’s not – it’s true. Children ARE a blessing, at all ages, not just when they’re little!
How Do You Welcome A Child?
I have a few traditions that I follow while anticipating the birth of a child. Some people, who can’t imagine having a large family, assume that because we already “have so many,” a new arrival is greeted with nothing but a sigh and a yawn. “What’s the big deal, anyway, if you reproduce with the regularity of hamsters?” I always usually take these comments with humor, realizing that what you don’t experience, you might not understand. I doubt that I understood the specialness, the uniqueness, surrounding the birth of consecutive children in a family…in fact, I’m SURE that I didn’t. How special could a seventh child be, anyway?
I was the fourth child, myself. My mama never did get around to filling out my baby book. I remember thru the years, that she continued to say, “I really need to get around to that some day.” She was a busy lady, and so, it never happened. She finally gave the book to me when I was around 30, and I filled it out myself. The one quote that she had written in the book was under the heading, “What Mother said when she first saw baby.” Mom had written, “she’s not a very pretty little thing.”
Well. Well. WELL! Devastation and gloom! That broke my little 7 year old heart when I read it. Being the confrontive sort, I took it to her, and asked her why she had said such a thing. She felt so terrible…she tried to explain it to me…she meant that I was all red and squished up. In reality, not so pretty. I accepted her explanation, but in the back of my mind I always used that comment when I felt sorry for myself, and wanted to believe that nobody loved me.
I think that made me determined that each child of mine, no matter which one, would always feel loved, wanted and cherished. I wanted it recorded for them to read, time and time again, to their heart’s content.
Here are a few of the things that I like to do while we await the birth of a child…every child…even number 7.
I begin a journal for the baby. It isn’t much in the early weeks, but following prenatal visits, I record for the baby things like statistics, cravings, how thrilled we are to be welcoming him/her. I want them to know that from the very beginning, we are longing to see them, to know them, to hold them. I eventually tell their birth story to them, and let them know how much their siblings love them. (Wouldn’t it be amazing to read something like this, yourself? I hope my children love this gift, someday, and find wonderful assurance through this journal.) I continue the journal throughout the children’s years…admittedly, with many children, I don’t update too often, but at least they can know their mama’s hopes and dreams and prayers for them.
I choose a cross-stitch birth sampler, and begin sewing it as soon as possible. The finished sampler (completed with birth details once baby is here) hangs in our hallway, below a current picture of each child. (Note: Don’t choose too hard of a sampler, or you may end up a few children behind. Ask me how I know.)
My mom crochets a blanket for the little one. I pick out the pattern. There are some incredibly soft yarns available!
Most of the baby clothes can be handed down from baby to baby…but I always buy the new baby socks and washcloths. I do not know why! I guess that I can not stand to put dingy socks on perfect little feet nor to wash that sweet scrunched face with a stained cloth. It’s just a “thing” with me.
I make my baby announcements. Sure, I could buy them…but I have this fear that some day, number 7 might lisp, “Mommy, you don’t love me. I know, because you hand-made everyone else’s baby cards except mine.” Some poor relatives probably wish we would quit sending announcements…but I love putting “just the right scripture” on that card, and letting them see the care that has gone into the preparation. I want them to know that this child is wanted, not “just another baby,” but a unique individual filled with beauty and promise.
I set aside a special “first day” outfit…which I will someday place in their keepsake box. Every once in awhile the kids look thru their boxes, and simply can’t believe they were once so small.
There are many things I do for the baby’s first year and beyond…photographs, a scrapbook, a baby book with records, etc., and there are many other practical preparations made for the arrival as well: cooking ahead, stocking the pantry, cleaning and sorting, preparing for grandparents to visit and more. You ALL know how busy those last few weeks can be.
I would love to hear from you. Please feel free to share with us in the comments below the traditions or special ways that you welcome a new child into your family.
The Eyes that are Upon Me
She’s watching me, and the stakes are high.
I can speak holiness, but can I live it?
I can claim a change in heart, but can I choose to put it into action throughout the day?
I’m pressed, mauled, exhausted, drained…put through the masher.
The demands are huge, threatening to take me under.
But her eyes are upon me, observing either my short temper that seems justified by pressure and lack of sleep, or my firm resolve to speak in a quiet voice and touch with love.
This is a time not easily captured again. A new baby in the house; situations created and circumstances present not usually here. A unique time to show her how to nurture, to mother, how to handle a toddler as well as an infant.
My daughter is ten, the perfect transitional age. She is still a child, moldable, yet her eyes gaze hungrily at what her future might hold. Right now, she longs to be a mother. As she grows, the world will tell her that this desire is not enough, that mothering is worthless, that she must seek more in order to be fulfilled.
My responsibility, my challenge, my privilege – is to spend each day living the life before her. Of feeding, washing, changing the baby with grace as my companion and joy as my banner. Because she is watching, and my choices will affect her thoughts, her choices, her very manner of mothering some day.
I struggle, I fear, I faint with the task at hand some days. It is too hard, Lord. I still have strength to recover and the loss of sleep is heavily felt. The toddler is too energetic and screeches his needs at me while the babe cries to be changed. Primitive woman rises up, and threatens to erupt. Self lifts her head, demanding respite and seeking to be ugly.
He who has called me is faithful, however, and he will equip me moment by moment for the task. As she watches, she will see a mother who needs a Savior, a woman who must bow her head and ask for strength moment by moment. She will see a mama who values the baby, the toddler, the preschooler, the elementary child, the middlers, and the teenager with a deep, deep love; enough to spend her days loving, teaching and guiding them.
Father, for all of the eyes who are watching me, for all of the children you have blessed me with, for all whose parenting I will influence someday, help me to not be a shrew. Cover me with your grace, and your love, so that I may reflect YOUR character to my children. May I speak with love and kindness, and touch with tenderness.
