Lessons, Steve Irwin style
I caught Barbara Walter’s special on Steve Irwin last night, and I’m so glad I watched it. Jeff and I scarcely sit down to watch anything…perhaps a couple of times during the entire summer. But this was really good.
I’d only seen Steve’s show on the Discovery channel once or twice while in hotels; and we rented his full length movie a few years ago. I felt such an immediate appreciation for this guy who lived life with such gusto! Can you even imagine throwing yourself into the mud on top of a crocodile with such abandon? Stroking it’s snout and planting a kiss right on top of it’s warty nostrils? Totally oblivious to mud and muck and discomfort?
The man lived life. And then some. He was only given 44 years, but he wrung every last bit of life out of every split second. His wife Terri said that Steve had no “five year plan.” If he had a dream, a vision, he threw himself into it with complete and utter passion. “He was hard to keep up with sometimes,” she said.
If only I could tackle my laundry with the same passion. Roll in it, delight in it…give it a big ol’ loving kiss.
Or better yet – my husband, my children.
I have endeavored for some time to pare down the extraneous things of life. I am painfully aware that man is allotted only a certain amount of days…and each moment that passes means I have less time on this earth. Each activity is held up to scrutiny…”Is THIS how I want to spend my time?” For this reason I despise pointless meetings, worthless television shows, and fluffy books. I want the meat, the kernal, the core. I attempt to arrange my kitchen, my laundry area, my bathroom to save motion and steps – to cut out the time spent on the ephemeral. That’s why the food I cook needs to be nutrient dense - brimming with benefit in every bite. Why waste time on that which does not nourish? Curriculum choices, craft choices, extra clothing…it is all held up to the same lens. If it is worthy, it stays. If not, it is gone.
I have heard thru back channels that Steve Irwin was a Believer. Terri spoke of her Faith last night, as well. While I know that the state of a man’s soul is between him and his Maker – my heart was glad to hear this.
There is something in me that says THIS is how God made us to live…filled to the brim, running over, totally spent and used up to His Glory!
My Psalm
Oh God, You are my God -
Even when I cling to you by the barest splinter of a fragmented fingernail.
You remain -
Even when I am ground down to nothing.
Even there – Especially there.
My head hugs the ground in submission,
My heart rises in worship,
My hands stretch and claw and grasp to cling,
to hold on to You for dear LIFE.
You are Water for the parched soul and
Manna for the starved spirit.
God, I am nothing.
You are Everything.
Rainy days and pear trees
Remember the early days, how good it felt to wrap your arms around your beloved and hold them so tightly – knowing that you belonged to them and they to you, for good and for keeps? Remember how nice it felt as a newlywed, knowing you would never have to say goodnight and you go to your home while he drove away to his own?
Perhaps it is the cool weather in the air that makes me romantically nostalgic – my sweetheart and I met our first few weeks in college, at the tender ages of 17 and 18. The very, very first night that he walked me back to my dorm I knew that this was the man for me. I coupled my name with his in my girlish mind, and voila’! the man was toast. He was mine. God was simply good. He took a young girl with a heavy, problematic childhood and gave her the certainty of steadfast love in human form.
Rainy fall evenings and pear trees laden with fruit always make me thankful for the path my life has taken. I held his hand first. 
God can and does work on our behalf, often even before we are smart enough to know what to ask for… even without a model for courtship or marriage counseling.
Today, while delivering meals, the old Steven Curtis Chapman song was playing on the radio. “I will be here – when the mirror tells us we’re older, you can cry on my shoulder, I will listen, and I will be here, to watch you grow in beauty, to tell you all the things you are to me, I will be here…” I had to turn my head and stifle a sob…because when we listened to the song in college, those days of looking in the mirror and feeling older seemed so far away. Then I smiled, because the words are true. A good man will love you and think you are still beautiful. In fact, he will think you are growing more beautiful with time. I told my husband recently that I thought he was more handsome now than when he was a college kid. I’m not sure he believed me…but it is true. I love those tired eyes with the little crinkles at the sides and the stubble that says, “I’m exhausted from being up in the night with the toddler while you were up with the baby and I don’t have time to shave - but here’s your coffee, honey.”
My little girl was sitting in the second van seat with the baby today, and as I glanced her way I realized that our love story didn’t stop just with us. It grew with one, then two and now all the way to seven young ones. Our family is our love story. It is nine people, holding, clinging, watching, listening, growing – We watch them, and as they grow and mature, so does our collective love. It includes them. It engulfs them. It will never leave them, even when they begin their own love stories and build their own families.
Oh, that they will be so blessed!
Psalm 68:6a “God sets the lonely in families…”
This is what parenting is all about…
This article really spoke to my heart. This is what parenting is all about – giving up blood, sweat, and personal comfort – all to give the best to your child.
Thank you, Linda Fay.
I Can’t…
“I can’t do this,” I say to myself at least ten times a day.
I. Simply. Can’t. Do. This. It is too hard.
I can’t do what YOU have called me to.
I can’t be a good mom, an excellent wife, an adequate teacher, a loyal daughter, a conscientious sister…
I can’t change the baby and nurse him and bathe him…while potty training the toddler and wiping up the dip he used to finger paint the chairs. And just how did he get the laundry powder into the cat’s food?
I can’t braid the girl’s hair and oversee their play practice and settle their squabble. And why do they boss each other around?
I can’t correct the four year old’s problematic speech patterns and teach him to write his name. And why does he whine?
I can’t answer the 12 year old’s question on “why the words of Jesus are in red but the question mark is in black?” And why can’t he ever find his socks?
I can’t help the 14 year old with his algebra….oh yes. Thank you for prompting me to buy the curriculum cds.
I just can’t Lord. At least not all at once!
My Lord says, “You CAN, my child. You CAN. One thing at a time, one priority at a time. I’ll give you what you need. Moment by moment. Come on over here. Climb right on up. That’s right. My arms are big enough to hold it all, to handle it all. Take just a minute…breathe deep. I AM sufficient. Calm your heart. I didn’t ask you to be PERFECT. I asked you to walk with Me, to love these little ones, to love that man I joined you with. Do what you can, do your best, put your hand right here…and squeeze extra hard when you think you’re going to lose it. I AM. I am for you. I am with you. I will strengthen you. I will uphold you. I will teach you all you need to know. Simply Come.”
I CAN! I WILL! I DO!
9 I took you from the ends of the earth,
from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, ‘You are my servant’;
I have chosen you and have not rejected you.
10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:9-10)
Let’s Get Real.
Some of you have spoken of a ministry for me here in this space.
Let me be real with you. I don’t seek a ministry, certainly not MY ministry – it is ALL about God and His workings in our lives, and if He can use me, then I’m all for it. I’m His.
I refuse to set myself up as someone who has all the answers, because, the bottom line is that I DON’T. You shouldn’t look at me or anyone else as someone to follow…I’d rather you view me as someone who is cheering for you, saying “You can do it!” Whatever God is speaking into YOUR life – DO THAT!
For me, at this time in MY life, I am a wife and mother of many. This is God’s plan for me. I’m going to seek refinement through this path, even though it hurts like crazy at times. For example, my two year old son is just giving me FITS! He is the most marvelous, beautiful, spunky child, his smile could draw bees it is so sweet. But is he ever ROTTEN! I hold that little boy and hug him, and whisper in his ear that I love him, but under my breath I mutter – “You are my lot in life for these days, aren’t you little one?” And I strive to submit with joy in my heart to the Father’s plan for me. I take the frustration of dealing with one who insists upon flinging shoes at the sleeping baby and lift it up in a sacrifice to Him. I truly open my hands and let go, and say, “Father, I know that you gave this son to me not only for his benefit but to make ME into the person I am supposed to be. I submit. Refine me. Sanctify me.” And I add…”Give me wisdom and patience.”
I am not better than you, or smarter than you in mothering…I do NOT have things all together in my life. I AM on this same journey called life WITH you – and If I can tell you to “hang on, press on, fall in love with the Maker of your soul and seek His face throughout the tough days,” then I want to do that. My message is…”Don’t give up.”
And some days…you will need to tell me the same thing.
Our backgrounds are not the same, so we will come at this from different angles.
I plan to learn from YOU.
p.s. The same little hard headed guy potty trained himself almost overnight last week. Didn’t ask my opinion or anything! That’s a bonus, don’t you think?
Welcome!
Hey! I see that you’ve wandered into my new site. I’m so glad to have you here!
I’ve enjoyed my days at Choosing Home. I love Molly, Dawn, Ann, Jenna and Lynn (and Lydia too!) and will miss working with them…but just came to a stage that I felt it was time to move on. I kinda feel like a young adult who has her own apartment for the first time…I’m a little lost and things seem rather bare, but time will take care of that.
My passion remains to encourage women who are in the midst of children, home life and husband, or for women who wish they “were” there. There are plenty of times that I get discouraged in the “dailyness” of mothering, and it means so much when I can read the words of a friend who has “been there.” I know that I need encouragement; I need someone to tell me that “I can do it” and perhaps you do too.
I think that sometimes we’ll talk about the “hard” things about being a wife and mother and Child of God, with the purpose of finding joy, resolving conflict, and finding contentment in our relationships. The marriage relationship, specifically, is one where God desires for us to find oneness and value and joy – it is supposed to be a model of the relationship of Christ and the Church; but we humans sure do mess it up sometimes, don’t we?
I’m in the process of moving some of my favorite posts over from Choosing Home. They seem to sum up who I am pretty well. If you are new to Choosing Home, and came here from there, and if you find yourself in need of a little “boost,” be sure and check out the archives. I’ve tried to categorize them fairly well according to subject, but they still need adjustment.
I look ahead at my life, and don’t see my “mission” changing for at least some time. We are anticipating moving closer to my aging parents within a few years, (maybe less) to help care for them as they need us. My baby is only 7 months of age, so he and the others (2, 4, 8, 11, 12, 14) will need a full time Mom for years to come. I AM painfully aware of the swiftness of time, though, and realize that I won’t have my older children at home for all that much longer. I desire to always be learning and growing in Christ, but I am prayerfully trying to step away from the “debate” side of the internet. I can waste so much time, get caught up in so many differing viewpoints and opinions, that I can’t think of anything else. And of course I must respond to “every” debate… then my children have to cope with a mom who is not fully engaged. That simply won’t work, so my desire is to quietly listen, learn, pray, read and think, responding only when prompted by the Spirit. All of that to say – I won’t “do” debate or arguments in my comment box. Diverse opinions are welcome, please feel free to share them…I just won’t debate you.
My goal, my desire, is to find contentment and beauty in the daily sacrifice that accompanies this life. I believe I will find my life through Christ, through the continual laying down of self to His service. I trust Him, completely, to make me into the right kind of vessel. I will fail; He will break me and reform me, over and over again, until I see Him face to face. He alone can reveal the beauty in the lump of clay. May He be glorified through it all!
Lord Jesus, I throw my arms open wide, and invite you to use me. I submit to your will, to your plan. Use me as you desire!
Losing Myself, Part I
Over the years I have had many young mothers (and some not so young!) speak to me about the difficulty of losing one’s identity while mothering.
“I just need to do something for myself.”
“I NEVER get any time to myself.”
“I need some “Me Time.”
“I need to discover who I am.”
No doubt about it. The mothering of young children is exhausting at times, and all-consuming. It IS easy to get lost in the process, and feel like there is almost nothing left of the person we once were.
Secular magazines encourage us to ditch the kids as soon as we can. I even remember reading advice from a well-known Christian counselor several years ago, which stated that Mom and Dad needed to begin a regular date night when their newborn was ONE WEEK OLD. This was intended to establish individuality away from the infant, to reassert that Mom had her own life apart from the baby, and to reassure the infant that other people could adequately care for him or her.
I couldn’t help but think, “But what if that is not possible?” What if you have never lived near family members and do not have a strong support system? What if your husband works two or three jobs just to heat the house during the winter months? Should you feel cheated if you don’t get out once a week? Will you completely lose your identity as a person if you are at home with your children for three weeks at a time during flu season? (I remember one year when someone was throwing up for eleven straight days at our house. That was ONE BAD FLU!) After ten years of parenting are you doomed to a shallow, unintelligent existence…will you find yourself babbling with the monkeys at the local zoo?
Well, honestly, some days it may feel like it. But my greatest epiphany of mothering came after four children. God somehow broke through my thickness with a clarity that struck me (almost) speechless. I don’t know how I missed it – this message is woven time after time after time through the scriptures.
“IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU! All that you need to know about yourself, you will find in Me.” Shocking words to someone who thought that she was the important one in this entire family equation. Totally jaw-dropping words to someone who couldn’t wait to bring these children to maturity so that she could get on with life.
God continued….”What if I DO just want you to be a mother? Would you trust me that this would be enough for your life? Could you find contentment in that vocation, in serving your husband and children?”
“What if I have greater plans for your child, or your grandchild – and your main purpose was to give them life, then to pour YOUR life into shaping them into the person that I have planned for them to be?”
“Oh but Lord, that means,….sacrifice. Don’t I already do enough? Who will I become?”
“Dear Child, you will become just exactly who I intended for you to be. Don’t you remember reading my words, ‘He who loses his life for MY sake will find it?’?”
The conversations went on for some time. God prodding, humbling me and me gradually warming to His will.
The dethroning of ME literally transformed my mothering and the priority I placed upon it. The next time I write, I would like to share with you how although God has increased my responsibilities since then (I am a full-time pastor’s wife, have children who require special diets, have added two more children with another due in February) He has blessed and enriched and matured me in Him. He has given me the relationship with my husband that young girls always dream of and has broadened my learning experiences and capacity to learn in amazing ways. He has taught me how to take refreshment from Him in the moments of life, not through hours of ME time. When we die to self and submit to God, it does not mean the end of life. It means just the beginning!
For now, it is Friday evening and I have a hungry family to feed. Looking forward to next time…..
Losing Myself, Part Two
Awhile ago I wrote regarding dying to self. I have been trying to get back to it, but God has had other plans for me. Apparently, I needed a little bit more work in this area, and it looks like I will continue to need it. Taking up one’s cross seems to be a daily thing.
My entire family (including myself) has been sick for the past two weeks with one nasty cold virus that just keeps on giving and giving. I am convinced that God’s School for Mothers in the Way of Self Sacrifice is conducted during cold and flu season. What a wonderful training ground, and what a perfect chance to practice self-denial over and over again. You’ve ALL been there, haven’t you? I’ve had ample time these two weeks to shove the refrain, “But what about ME!?!!?!” back down from whence it came and instead whisper a prayer that my service to my sick ones be a sacrifice of praise to my Lord. I don’t always succeed, I assure you…but my heart and soul and body strive to improve.
As mothers, I think we can have many fears when someone talks about dying to self. There is the fear that if we give our entire selves over to God to use for our families, our intellect will rot. There is the fear of losing ourselves. Will we ever be able to fulfill those dreams we once had for our lives? What about our gifts and talents that God has uniquely given us? When will we develop or practice them? What about ministry? Who has time for ministry with small children? What about rest, or refreshment? Won’t we burn out if we give so much of ourselves away?
Calm your hearts. The One who made you knows you, and will equip you to do what He has called you to do. I believe that maturing in mothering occurs step by step, not all in one big bucket of grace dumped over your head. As God asks you to take another step, and you obey with a humble heart, He gives you what you need for that step.
I’ll answer some of the questions: No. Your intellect will not rot. A mother today needs to be aware and alert and educated on so many things. Our children are highly at risk in today’s society, and we can’t afford to be naïve or unaware. Yes, you may be sleep deprived and your thinking may be fuzzy at times, but it won’t always be so. Ask God to bless your mind and to give you clarity of thought, so that you can be the mom He wants you to be. I look back on my life, and feel like I didn’t even wake up to real life until I hit 30. God has enlarged my perspective and understanding, and has truly given me the ability to learn much better now than in the past.
Will I lose myself, my identity? Well, yes and no. You’ll lose yourself, but you’ll find yourself in Him. The person who I once thought I should be would have been a real failure. God alone knew who I was really supposed to be, and He continues to daily mold me into His likeness, as long as I remain pliable and not brittle. I don’t endorse “Worm” theology, which says you are worth nothing. I instead believe that you find your worth and value through God, not through human strivings. I also don’t subscribe to “Doormat” theology, which says that you must allow yourself to be walked upon and used by everyone in order to be “holy.” You are to be used by God, for His purpose. He defines you, He refines you. He longs to make you completely His and to bring glory to Himself through your life.
Will we fulfill our dreams? Oh yes, and so much more. I am convinced that we limit God by confining Him to our dreams, to our plans. When we submit to Him, he GIVES us dreams!
What about our gifts and talents? Should we bury them in search of self-denial? Absolutely not. There may be a time when your children are really small that it seems this way, but as they begin to grow there is so much you can share with them. Share YOURSELF, blossom with your family. Bless them with your talents. This is your time with THEM, there will prayerfully be plenty of time to share those talents with others after the children don’t need you so much. I have asked God to maximize my efficiency, and to teach me how to do the mundane, routine things I must do, so that I have more time. As I have been willing, He has been faithful.
Ministry? Again, if you are a mom at home, I believe that your first ministry should be to your husband and children. When we first came to our current church, my husband made it clear to the congregation that the children were my first priority. He spoke my heart when he added that “she will be happy to be involved in any way she can with any extra time she has, but the kids come first.” There are two things I want to be sure to let you know: First, by being a committed mother, you ARE ministering. Not only to your children, but to those who are watching you. People DO watch you – in the store, at church, at lessons, everywhere! Second, God can multiply your effectiveness, if you ask Him to. He can use you through few minutes on the phone with another mom, with the written word, with small service at church as you are able. Don’t worry and stress about this, don’t seek out extra ministry jobs without God’s leading. IF He leads you, then by all means, trust Him to equip you. If not, then trust Him that He is using you right where He has you.
Finally, for this time, Rest and Refreshment. How on earth to you “die to self” and seek the path of self sacrifice AND have rest and refreshment? Moment by moment, dear mama! I find myself so grateful some days for a simple five minutes when no one needs me. I believe the key is in a heart of gratitude. If I adopt the attitude of “I deserve some time,” then I won’t feel rested even if I get the time. If I thank the Lord for just a minute to sit down, I feel His blessing and his refreshment. No, I don’t think it is wrong for a mother to take a little time away when she is able. What a blessing that can be, what a help to soothe a troubled mind! Yet, to demand it, to feel cheated when it doesn’t happen as often as we’d like, is counter-productive. I am not able to sit through as many church services as I’d like. Between sick children and working in the nursery or teaching a toddler’s class, I find I may only attend a morning service or two per month. (People tell me all about my husband’s great sermon, and I just smile. I often have no idea what they are talking about.) When I am able to come, oh, let me tell you, the Lord just pours it on me. I drink in the music, the worship, the beauty of God’s people, the love that is shown. Sometimes I sit and cry with thankfulness to the Lord, with gratitude that He has given me this time and that He takes time with me to teach me and draw me to His side. He gives me more in these few moments than in a “month of Sundays.” He truly is the “Lover of our souls,” and has our best in mind.
He is faithful, dear sisters. Don’t be afraid to submit yourself to Him to do with as He wishes. He will never fail you nor disappoint you. People will, but God can be trusted. The journey is not always easy, nor painfree. I couldn’t promise you that. But I can promise you that it will be worth it. The truth is, not very much in life is “all about me.” It is instead “all about what GOD can do THROUGH me, if I let Him.”
The Perspective of Grief
(Warning: This post is highly emotional in content. If you are pregnant, or near the birth of your baby, or already carry heavy grief, it may be best for you to not read any further. I’m sorry that all of my posts lately seemingly deal with some of the “harder” aspects of life…I’m not really a gloomy “Eeyore” personality, but sometimes our lives are “just that way,” and to pretend otherwise would be wrong. Within every difficulty, there is a lesson to be learned, and a closer relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ to be gained.)
Forget the sticky floor. Ignore the crumbs. Oh, I know that a orderly home is a good reflection of an orderly God…and many of us strive for that – but don’t forget to take the time in the midst of all of the cleaning and schedules and schooling to hold your little one. Pull them in close, smile into their eyes, fill their hearts with love and acceptance. Rejoice that you have been given this blessed gift of parenthood.
Today my husband preached the most difficult sermon of his life – the funeral sermon for a precious six month old little boy named John. John was born in May with a diagnosis of hydrocephalus. All throughout his mother’s pregnancy, we had prayed and waited for his arrival. Ultrasound had shown a problem, but the extent was unknown until his birth.
Soon after John’s birth, a shunt was installed to allow fluid to drain from his brain. His parents were overjoyed to learn that John would be mostly well, that his disability should be mild. He came home to join two older brothers, Jake, age 3 and Joey, age 2, and an entire host of family and friends who loved him.
And love him, we all did. I’ve never known a sweeter baby. As he grew, we all enjoyed him. In the Church nursery, we marveled at his sweet disposition and easy smile. Everything seemed to be progressing well. Until Monday of this week.
On Monday, John fell ill, and was rushed to a Children’s Hospital for emergency surgery. His shunt had dislodged, and the pressure on his brain was immense. John left this earthly life on Wednesday, leaving his grieving family to await the day they will again see him face to face.
What grief, what sorrow, what heaviness surrounds us all. To watch two young parents grieve so mightily is not an easy thing. To observe as a mama wraps the blanket around her baby and tucks him in for the last time, to know the hole in her heart will never completely heal…reminds us all to make the most of the time that we DO have.
With the perspective of grief, my fussy toddler doesn’t seem quite so fussy. I rejoice in his toothy grin and exuberance, even as he makes messes for me to clean up. My eleven year old stretching toward independence doesn’t seem quite so annoying. I’m able to catch a glimpse of the man he will become. The smushed bananas, the fingerprints on the wall, the piles of shoes and laundry really don’t even come close in importance to the little people growing up in your home. To be able to still touch our children, to hold them, to love them, to simply watch them grow up is a gift, a blessing not to be taken for granted.
Oh Lord, please be especially near to those who have lost children. Please hold them close and comfort them, remind them of your precious promises of the PLACE you are preparing for those of us who love you. For those of us who have never known this grief, please help us to reach out to those who have. Help us to be able to carry the load for them when they do not have the strength. Remind us of our blessings, not our burdens.
