Where do you see the Church?
We’re busy preparing for Sunday – there’s Worship and Sunday School to teach, and a missionary family will be visiting us for lunch. We’re rather excited, because they have 7 children, just as we do. I think we’ll have a house full!
Italian Beef for sandwiches is simmering on the stove, Amy’s Best Potato Salad in the World is in the fridge…and the cookies will be made tomorrow.
I’ll be finishing up the house in my remaining time, but I had some questions I wanted to ask you….something to think about for the weekend.
What do you think of the Church? How do you think that God is moving Her in this generation? As you look across the broad landscape – not only in America but across the globe – where do you see His hand?
I am a big trend watcher. By that I don’t mean “trendy things,” but rather patterns.
I’ll admit that there are times I can become weary and almost dismayed at the things I see in the Church today. There is everything from immorality in the pulpit to life long Believers who scarcely know who Jesus is to what seems like extreme hatred amongst Believers of differing theological persuasions.
But it strikes me that God isn’t done with the Church in our time. He remains. The Holy Spirit doesn’t pack up His bags and head home. He has a plan for you, for me, for all of us. What do you see Him doing in OUR time?
Build vs. Fix?
I grew up in a time, home and place where ministry was continually placed before family.
Inside the home, relationships were sour, angry, ignored.
I was surrounded with missionary families, deacons, bishops and college professors. There were exceptions of course, as there always are – but by and large the message was clear. “I’m doing what God asked by serving Him first. There isn’t time to ‘do it all,’ so He’ll have to take care of the kids.”
I don’t know statistics. I don’t even know where to find them. But anecdotal evidence tells me that throughout at least the last fifty years this has been a problem – not only in ministry families but with church attendees as well. It is possibly one of the reasons why kids who have been raised in the church don’t stay with the church. Perhaps it isn’t that they don’t see God at the gathering called “Church” but that they don’t see Him at home.
When my husband and I felt God calling us back into the pastorate,we already had four children. He had served as a youth pastor and as a associate pastor in previous years. This call to the senior pastorate was as clear as God’s thumb in our back, compelling us to come. We could have said “no,” but we knew we would have been miserable and would have missed immeasurable growth and blessing by refusing to come to our current church.
One of our biggest struggles was “How to do it all?” How to homeschool, how to give adequate time to our growing family, how to balance that with the absolutely life draining work of pastoring. To be honest with you, it is still a constant struggle; but one in which we aren’t willing to short change either side of our responsibilities.
It came down to this. Is it easier to build a child, or fix a man? To which are we as parents and Christians called?
I believe it is one of the main differentiations between evangelicals and those who are Reformed. It seems to me that those of the Reformed faith do a much better job of focusing on the family building, while evangelicals focus on…evangelism. (I say this even though we are not Reformed.)
I can tell you from the top down, from every mission or pastoral organization we have ever been a part of, the message that is sent is…Ministry First, family second. Sometimes there is a little note at the bottom of the letter or page that says, “Don’t forget to take time for yourself, and and give your family a little time, too.” But it is always an afterthought. I have yet to see, in 37 years, a letter to a pastor that tells him to pour himself into his family – the wife and kids, and that ministry must flow from that. One would think with the abysmal moral failure rate and stunning burn out rate among pastors, the organizations would rethink those statements…
For my husband and I, we say the answer must be “Both.” We cannot deny the Great Commission; but neither can we deny our responsibility to pour our lives into our children. This doesn’t come without sacrifice – it means very little free time. It also means that wherever we can work together as a family, we do. The kids go with Dad whenever possible. (Maybe not all at once, but a few at a time.) My husband is certain to help me at church functions. A child is usually dangling from his arm, or his leg. He helps me get plates, and carries things. He brings the drinks, the coffee. He allows me to spend time with women who need me. The bigger ones help in so many ways, from set up to sound to childcare.
We see how much time and effort it takes to “fix the man.” Broken people take much investment. Are they worth it? Without a doubt.
But neither should we throw away the child already in the home to fix the broken man outside our door. We only have the child for a short time, we must pour our lives into them while they are with us.
We feel called to both, whether God continues to call us to the life of a pastor’s family or not. The responsibility to those around us is not unique to those in full time ministry – it belongs to every Christian. So does the responsibility to children within our home.
After a re-read, I need to edit this to say that I believe there are full-time ministry workers everywhere you are doing a wonderful job of balancing family and ministry. It has meant they have to get a little creative…as I think we all must! I am saying that ministry organizations as a whole need to re-think their message to pastors/missionaries; and that all Christian parents need carefully balance priorities.
Ideology vs. Individuals
Spunky has had a recent conversation going that interests me greatly. Spunky the Homeschooler has been accused (gasp!) of being judgemental regarding homeschooling.
Spunky is passionate, that is for sure. (I’ve met her. 
)She has a strong voice. Spunky defends herself by saying, in a nutshell, “Yes, I think I’m right. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t believe it.” She goes on to reiterate that she is speaking about ideas, not individuals.
This is something that I have struggled with – and would appreciate your thoughts about.
Of course I have opinions. I am a homeschooler with 7 children. I have come to my conclusions (convictions?) slowly and surely. I can usually, when pressed, give a good reason for why I do what I do.
I think it gets sticky here, however. How can we say how we feel about things without sounding “opinionated,” or “judgemental?” How can we hold firm to OUR own, personal beliefs without wounding others, without wrapping ourselves in fourteen different disclaimers and clarifiers before we speak?
I must admit that I feel the same as Spunky – I DO believe I’m right, or I wouldn’t believe it. If I were ambivalent, it wouldn’t be called a “belief,” it would be called a “guess.”
Here’s the other sticky part for me. I REALLY don’t want to wound others. I FULLY acknowledge that God can and does call us to different things. I “believe” that as Christians we are to be gracious, loving, accepting to the individual – even one with whom we greatly disagree. We are to reflect Christ. But sometimes, just by saying what I believe I am offensive to others. The message of the Gospel can be offensive. I try to let my speech be seasoned with grace, a warm hug or warmth in my voice, but…what I say is still going to offend.
How do we speak from an ideological level without wounding the individuals around us? How do you accomplish it?
Read With Your Friends
I learned something this week.
If you want to understand where someone else is coming from, you need to read the same books they read.
Have you ever had a conversation with a friend, but felt like you were one person short in the conversation? Or maybe that you weren’t even having the SAME conversation?
Ask them what they are reading.
Not what they are smoking (!) but what they are reading!
It helps.
It provides a frame of reference. It gives you insight into their thought processes.
Maybe that’s why we do so many memes in the blog world.
I’m currently reading “Velvet Elvis” by Rob Bell and “Why Men Hate Going to Church” by David Murrow. Those are for my friends.
For myself, I’m reading “How to Do 1001 Things at the Same Time” by Don Aslett and “Heaven” by Randy Alcorn.
Whatcha readin?
Once Somebody’s Baby
He was once somebody’s baby – held close to a mother’s breast. Beloved. Flawless. Button nose, rosy lips, powder soft skin, downy hair. Friends gathered round to admire him; to congratulate his father on such a fine son. Here he lies now, as I behold him through a window in the night. The curtains of his nursing home room are open; exposing his loneliness to the world. Prone, still…nothing moving but his chest as he breathes. Few would call him flawless now, with his mottled, too-large skin, bulbous, melting nose, gaping mouth and wispy hair. Time has worked ravages that are difficult to bear, difficult to understand. But still – to someone, he must be beloved. They were once vibrant young lovers- newlyweds. She, with freshly coiffed hair and an apron tied crisply about her waist, one of the genteel era who did housework in heels. He, a dapper-suited fellow, hat jauntily askew – held her gaze with tender admiration. Such promise, such love, such devotion. I cannot know the intervening years, for I am only an outsider tonight, an observer. But I can still see the love, the devotion – at least in his eyes. I’ve seen him day after summer day, as he pushes her wheelchair past our house in an endless trip to town and back. He protects her from the sun with a floppy straw hat. He sweats and plods on resolutely. We sweep the walk to keep it clear for him, to ease his journey – but truth be told, he would have it no other way. She is his, no matter her condition, and he will gladly bear her burdens as long as he breathes. Tonight, they sit together, holding hands. They listen to the children as they sing songs about a Savior come to earth in the form of a child. She has no registerable emotions. No words. They are erased by time. She doesn’t even know the name of the man who holds her hand, but she has peace. Some part of her knows that he is her protector, and that she is loved. From my relative perch of youth and vitality, I find old age and the passage of time incomprehensible. It is hard for me to understand why our Heavenly Father designed the life cycle to operate this way. Why infirmities and frailties? Why the suffering and loss? I am soon reminded of the Fall of our ancient parents – reminded that this truly wasn’t the Eternal’s original plan. From creation, he purposed that man would never die. We failed, not Him. So now we approach old age, slipping in to the brown, weathered skin of our cocoon. We who call Him Savior may eagerly await our rebirth in our glorious eternal home. Until then, may we not forget the value of those who languish behind institutional walls. May we see them as they once were, and cherish them. May we share our children with the elderly, to bring the elderly the joy of youth and to let our children see some of the realities of life. May we teach them to love and value, regardless of what society says. All involved, including you, will be enriched. postscript: My children love to visit the local nursing home. We started when they were young, not wanting them to be afraid of people who were different than they were…we went once a month and did a craft or sang songs. Now, several years later, they still love to go once a month with their Daddy, when he holds Sunday services there. They take their extra drawings to hand out, they shake hands, answer the same questions over and over, recite their Bible verses, play their latest piano piece, and just…share their lives. As a result, they mix very well with people of all ages. This is a great time of year to visit those whom most of the world has forgotten. Merry Christmas to you all, and God bless you!
Are Large Families and Full Time Ministry Incompatible?
Several days ago Molly posted regarding the Quiverfull concept and what it means to her husband and herself. That generated a great discussion, which I imagine many of us are still thinking about. I know that I am.
I think to begin with, I’ll try to quickly sum up our family’s thoughts on children:
To us, it is much more than a woman popping out baby after baby after baby, year after tedious year. It is more than a woman being physically able or unable to do this. It is about God desiring to breathe life into a specific human individual, one that he has planned and purposed since time immemorial. It is not a burden to me, a law to be fulfilled at risk or fear of “sinning,” but a privilege.
I fully respect the individual health issues of many, many women. So many of you have testified to the difficulties that you or your children have, and I am so sorry for the pain you have carried. I believe that God himself feels your pain and helps you to carry it, and does not condemn you under the burden of “sin.”
I fully respect individual freedom, God allowed. I am willing to say that God has different paths for different people; but that His overarching view of life and of children is that they are “good,” and desireable, and that the Church in general in America has forgotten this.
Frankly, I think it is only in this forum where so many of us can gather together that this is even an issue. Most people in real life would laugh to even discuss whether birth control or surgical sterility is an issue! In my entire life, in real time, I have only known one other Christian family who believed this was an issue to pray about, to seek God about. Most of them did not hesitate to ask for prayer regarding a new home or which car to buy or which job to take, but never regarding children. And yes, we women DO talk about such things, so they have told me how they feel. (Note: If you as a reader feel judged by me, please, please don’t. I don’t know you personally, haven’t talked with you, and feel no need to judge you. I’m only talking about people that I know in depth.)
Having spent my entire life in “ministry” roles (preacher’s kid, preacher’s wife, missionary siblings) I can give firsthand account that preachers and missionaries are encouraged to limit their families, for the sake of being able to “minister” more. Most missionary kids that I grew up with were sent away to boarding school for seven months of the year, so that their parents could do their job. (memo: many of them have spent decades of their adult lives trying to deal with their feelings of abandonment and resentment, as well.) Sherrin brought up this topic in the comments, and I want to quote her here.
God never presents a dichotomy between ministry and child bearing, and neither should we. In most of history, the church has sacrificially cared for orphans and the unwanted whilst having very large families. Surely, if birth control was a great tool for effective ministry God would have provided reliable means of it much earlier than the twentieth century. Desiring God argued that if you have fewer children you may be able to give more to missions. This seems incredibly short sighted, since if you raise many godly children they will give heaps more to missions than you ever could have! (Sherrin was talking about Desiring God by John Piper. You can read the article in question here.)
Wow, Sherrin. What a great point! I’ve got to admit, I struggled with this BEFORE my husband entered the pastorate. At one Bible study I attended, the topic was, “How can I minister to others if I home school,” (with the implication that one CAN’T) and another question often asked was, “How can I minister to others if I continue to have children?” Again, it was assumed that the two were mutually incompatible.
There ARE times when it is tough, honestly, such as when the little ones are sick and I can’t attend for weeks at a time. Many times I am sure I’m not the pastor’s wife that many hope for, and yet, I know that God gave me these specific children and I must be faithful to THIS calling for THIS time in life. I believe he’ll have a different role for me in future days.
My “eldest” children are old enough now for me to begin to see the fruits of actually being a large family in ministry context. (And you know, everyone is a minister in the body of Christ. I’m not talking about something exclusive here!) This is the multiplication of ourselves that Sherrin was talking about! By faithfully bearing, raising and training my children, they are able to do so much more than I can do alone.
Here are some of the ways my older children serve our local body. They run Power Point and are training to run sound for services. They attend first service (so they aren’t missing church) then serve as teacher’s helpers in the younger classes during our second service. They play piano specials and sing for services. They help set up and clean up for the Senior Citizen’s lunches. They work in the nurseries. They visit people in the nursing home, and share their talents there. They greet and mingle. They are friends with all ages throughout our church.
Whenever I become discouraged with my lack of “time” to do more or serve more, I am encouraged by 3 extra sets of very willing and capable hands. In future years, I know that there will be even MORE extra hands ready to serve. My husband wishes all volunteers were as easy to come by, and had such willing hearts. It *is* hard when they are little, but WOW!, the rewards come later, if you hang in there! Don’t let the thought that big families and ministry are incompatible scare you off!
